The universe has a way of evening things out. Sometimes things go my way. I don't know why, they just do. If you're like me, when things go your way, you don't complain. It's human nature to make a federal case when things seem unfair, while making a silent, mental note when things go our way or we receive what we consider justice. When my team gets shellacked at volleyball or basketball, I can be caustically and cryptically vocal about the unfair team selection or how the referee made questionable calls. I might even limp a little and blame my gout. In other words, I'm a sore loser. When my team shellacs the opposition, I'm a gracious winner. When I feel empowered, I am pleasant and magnanimous. When I feel cheated or powerless, I can snarl like a badger. How about you? When your demons out-shout your better angels, is it because you feel you've been treated unfairly? If so, join the club. If we but trust our Higher Powers to bring the good times back around in due time, we might be less aggravated in difficult times. There will be fairness to balance the unfairness. An unfortunate yet effective way to control others and recruit them to your way of thinking is to play on their sense of unfairness.

Confirm their feelings that they are being treated unfairly and you have their votes, donations, loyalty, or whatever. You're not doing anyone a favor by playing the fairness card any more than you want to be manipulated that way. The most valuable use we can make of this awareness is to recognize feelings of disenfranchisement in others at work. If someone is snarling like a badger or grumbling like a belly full of yesterday's pepperoni pizza, they're probably being treated unfairly. Maybe they're not. More important than the reality of their treatment is the fact they feel that way. If you know others feel as if they're being treated unfairly, aren't you going treat them with a little empathy and sensitivity? You will if you don't want your head pinched off. Moreover, you can't achieve happiness or contentment in your work environment (or any environment) if you feel your life can be summed up in two words: raw deal. Getting over it and accepting that life is cyclical, even though the cycle sometimes seems to rotate slowly, will make you more pleasant to be around. More importantly, you'll enjoy being around yourself more. Try it. Climb out of that bitter cesspool, look back at the others still slopping around in it, and say to yourself, "There, but for the grace of a small attitude adjustment, go I."

Head Bashing

As hard as it is to believe sometimes, bosses are human beings. Their consistently aggravating behavior might make you think there is a diabolical doctor somewhere programming Stepford Bosses and shipping them into companies across the country. To fight against or think you can change your boss's essential nature is like believing you can change human nature. Nevertheless, many people go to work each day thinking they can hold back the tides of idiocy without drowning. For those brave, stubborn, and self-righteous souls, I suggest you pause about 50 feet from the front of your building, ask a coworker to hold the door open, get a running start, attain full speed, lower your head, and smash into the edge of the open door. When you regain consciousness, go inside and enjoy the rest of your day. Follow that routine every day for six months and you might damage the door enough for maintenance to replace it. Ramming the door makes as much sense as trying to change someone else, especially your boss. Even if you succeed in getting to him, they'll just haul him away and pull the shrink wrap off another Idiot Boss from the Stepford doctor. They'll always be able to manufacture another door or another Stepford Boss. How many times will you regain consciousness? Resenting the unfair way of the workplace hurts you more than it hurts them. I might remind you how toxic resentment is 100 times before you finish reading this article because it took me 1,000 head-banging lessons to even begin accepting the concept.

Communicate Your Way to Serenity

You can't change bad bosses, but you can change the way you approach and deal with them, which can change how you feel about yourself, them, and life in general. If you intentionally and regularly keep your I-Boss informed of what you're doing, he will be less threatened. This means premeditating "chance" encounters with your I-Boss in the hallway, at the water cooler, or following him into the restroom. Yes, I'm suggesting strategic bio-breaks. For females working for male bosses and vice versa, your options are limited. However, women can pass on information to female clerical assistants in the sanctity of the ladies' room, as can men with male assistants. Working your propaganda through the clerical assistant is often more effective than delivering it directly to the boss. Don't make a big thing of it. Intersperse your media. Give microreports on your activities face-to-face. Send an occasional e-mail. Hand in a report. But be surgical with your timing. Don't toss your communiqué on top of a huge pile of reading your boss is already resenting. Don't add your e-mail to an overflowing inbox. Monitor when your boss is bored and dispatch one of your entertaining-yetinformative missives at the appropriate moment. Don't dismiss this as pure satire. Keeping people comfortable is the secret to happy and healthy relationships.

Consider the alternative. If you want to be a disnatured torment to your boss, remember to ask an associate to hold the door open for you tomorrow morning. No matter the content of your verbal, nonverbal, or written communications, the net result is to create the impression you are operating within your boss's comfort zone and even protecting it from unwelcome threats. Use language that allows your I-Boss to take at least a portion, if not all, of the credit when reporting progress and achievements. I know he doesn't deserve it. But you're working this plan to bring more joy to your world, so let go of bitterness and resentment. They hurt you more than they hurt anyone else. In your correspondences, use phrases such as, Per your suggestion..., As we discussed in the meeting...,When studying the assignment you made, several options appeared.... Go ahead and bite the bullet with, "Your idea really worked out well." If you don't gag, you'll experience an immediate improvement in the atmosphere around the office. Clouds will lift and the sun will shine. As much as you will be loath to admit it, you will actually feel better. So will your I-Boss. The principle is this: You can't harbor resentment when you're focused on complimenting others. It will dissipate like the noxious and toxic gas it is. Communicate with caution Don't be so obvious that your I-Boss and your peers perceive you as a kiss-up. If someone calls you one anyway, simply say, "I don't want to work in an atmosphere of continuous conflict. Life is too short. If keeping the boss involved and informed helps my serenity, I'm all over it." Or just offer to hold the door open for them tomorrow morning. Also bear in mind how much keeping the boss informed and involved puts control in your corner. In the information age, information is like money in the bank. I-Bosses drive people crazy with third and fourth versions of meaningless plans and reports because they (the bosses) are bored and figure they should be doing something. Keeping your I-Boss informed and just a little bit flattered will keep him off your back. What's that worth to you? Communication techniques are effective with Idiot, Good, God, Buddy, and possibly Paranoid Bosses where flattery can earn brownie points. Machiavellians are another breed altogether. Don't try communicating your way to serenity with a Sadistic, Masochistic, or Machiavellian Boss and then write me a cranky letter with your remaining good hand claiming I didn't warn you. I spend a lot of time explaining to abused and bruised team members in various organizations the need to take evasive action against the seemingly unprovoked attacks, slurs, and general abuse from some of their peers and bosses. What is unprovoked to you might seem justified in someone else's demented thinking. If you are in direct competition with someone, it's more obvious and understandable how anything good you do will threaten his chances to win. Just because you're not in competition with another person, your boss for example, doesn't mean that he still doesn't feel threatened. I wasn't challenging my Machiavellian Boss at Disneyland for control of the department

I had been instrumental in creating. I admit resenting the hell out of him for stealing it. But compete with him for control, no. Besides being confrontation-phobic, I know when I'm up against a superior foe. Besides, I was making inroads in the show development area where my heart wanted to be in the first place. Despite the fact the desk-diving secretary worked over there, I was more a writer/director type than a technical supervisor. Show Development was where my primary interests could be realized, and I had designs on making a lateral move when and if the opportunity presented itself. Nevertheless, the Machiavellian's power grab took me by surprise. A cleverer, more suspicious, or politically savvy person wouldn't have been caught off guard. If I have any reason at all to be suspicious, I generally don't get blindsided. But not being one to walk around suspicious of everyone and everything, I'm still vulnerable to sneak attack. Focusing too closely on creating reports and memorandums, as I'm still tempted to do, also kept my eyes focused down and not up where they might have seen things coming. I'd like to say it was my innocence and attention to detail that made me vulnerable to a mugging by the person who became my Machiavellian Boss at Disneyland, but truthfully, it was just stupidity. Unfortunately, I only learn partial lessons from my experiences, and those I learn I soon forget. Never forget your competence is seen as a threat to those who are less competent or have convinced themselves anything positive for you is negative for them. This is hard to grasp if competence in others doesn't threaten you. But to those who live in an inversely proportionate, mutually exclusive world, the fact that you're breathing means you're using their oxygen. The fact you're not competency-phobic means your guard might not be up where it needs to be. You're open to a backhand when you least expect it. To take a punch when you have no idea it's coming can really knock you for a loop. Be aware your natural desire to do things well and to contribute your unique talents and abilities to the achievement of organizational objectives is likely to get you knocked on your prat. To paraphrase another Chinese proverb: "If you understand— things are the way they are. If you don't understand—things are the way they are." To recovering idiots, the proverb refers to the stuff we can't change. Why bother to lose sleep, grow gray hair, or pop your aorta over stuff you can't change anyway?