In spite of the proverbial, "No good deed goes unpunished," giving credit to others ultimately brings blessings upon your head everywhere you go, not just at work. Once you've accepted the value of shining the spotlight on others, you'll do it at all times and in all things. Few things can revitalize a romantic relationship faster than letting go of the need to be right. The two words I've learned that restore vitality in any relationship, personal or professional, are: You're right. That's the point of the 12th step. The investment in making such a tremendous shift in your personal paradigm must apply to all aspects of your life. If you think it's just about work-related issues, you haven't really changed. If you haven't really changed, the new behaviors at work won't hold up under pressure and you'll eventually lapse into the old attitudes and behaviors that caused you frustration to begin with. You can be a nice person or a mean person, but not both. Don't buy into the myth that you can be mean at work and nice at home. One or the other is an act. You can be a truly nice person who tries to act like an SOB in professional affairs, the way I did by imitating Moe Green from The Godfather. If you can pull that off believably, you should go to Hollywood or Broadway because you have real talent. If you are an unscrupulous person and try to act like a nice person, dogs will growl at you when you walk by and mirrors won't reflect your image. I prefer to deal with a surly, crusty, and cantankerous person over someone pretending to like me.

When a telemarketer calls and asks me how I am doing, I start to simmer. I get mildly annoyed when people I know ask reflexively, "How are you?" They might really care if I tell them, although they'll be shocked. But a telemarketer doesn't know me, doesn't care anything about me except how to get my money, and yet tries to slide into an unsolicited conversation by befriending me. I'm not that desperate for friends. If you're an unscrupulous person with the ability to convince people you really care about them, skip Hollywood and Broadway. Go straight into cold-calling sales and make some serious money. You have a histrionic personality disorder that's worth its weight in gold. People are who they are and doing what most resonates with your essential nature will bring you the greatest sense of fulfillment. When you are doing things personally or professionally that fight your essential nature, you will be miserable and no fun to be around. If you want to survive and thrive despite your Idiot Boss, being a disnatured pain in the drain to others won't get it done. I am guilty of staying in jobs I hated, working for people I despised, figuring I'd bide my time until I got promoted out of my misery. It never happened. I was an annoyance to everyone around me, especially my boss. Did I really believe someone higher on the food chain was going to say, "Hoover is a talented person with a pitiful attitude. Let's promote him so he can spread his ill will across more of our organization"? Talented and smart people, filled with anger and resentment, keep being passed over in favor of idiots because higher ups really hope they'll eventually take their attitudes and go away.

Terry

Your Idiot Boss might surprise you under the right circumstances. When Big Bill and I took over the audio/video production company in California, we hired a young woman named Terry as our receptionist. What a receptionist she was! On time every day, I could barely beat her to the office. If the phone rang at 8 a.m., she answered it. She was respectful and helpful with everyone and paid attention. She didn't know the words, "I don't know." If someone asked her about something beyond her immediate range of knowledge, she simply said, "Let me find out for you." Terry kept information flowing. She knew who was in and out and could predict when people would return nearly to the minute. She was almost clairvoyant. To this day, I've never seen a sharper person with a more professional attitude. About five feet, four inches tall, she was slender and dressed well on a limited budget. She had a daughter in kindergarten and they both had a refreshing small-town, West Texas, Last Picture Show look. Terry had the effect on Bill and me that any terrific team member can have on an Idiot Boss. We found ourselves trying to measure up to her. She set the standard for excellence in our offices more than we did. I was proud of her and through sheer association, I became more proud of our little company. There was no competition or resentment in her, only appreciation, gratitude, and focused good-natured professionalism. I complimented Terry enough on her infectious attitude that she finally shared with me the joy she was finding in her 12-step program. You could have knocked me over with a paperclip. I didn't know anything about 12-step programs back then, except people joined them because they had some sort of problem. Terry left her problems in Texas, she said. She had been clean for several years and had a new lease on and passion for life.

Did she ever! I don't know how often she went to 12-step meetings, but her attitude was tuned up and running smooth and steady every day when she showed up for work. Terry had the brains and the organization skills to run our business as well, if not better, than I did. I admired how she could get her little girl up and off to school and still be so prompt and upbeat at the office every day. People with far less responsibility than she had far poorer punctuality. We used to kid around about how we could set our watches by Terry. So, I wasn't totally surprised when she started looking a little tired. She's human after all, I thought to myself. I urged her to be a little more flexible with her time, perhaps even take time off if necessary to keep up with her daughter's needs. Acting almost embarrassed by my concern, Terry asked me not to worry and assured us all she was going to be fine. She wasn't ever fine again. Terry finally had to call in sick. She came in less and less and, with each absence, we realized more and more how much her attitude and behavior had elevated our performance as a team. The doctors couldn't pinpoint any reason for her mysterious illnesses. In the mid 1980s, information and training in the medical community was limited when it came to the human immunodeficiency virus that had been incubating inside of her for years. Eventually, Terry couldn't come to work at all. Our health plan took care of medical expenses and Bill had no problem keeping her on full salary. When Terry's situation started to worry us deeply, he really stepped up. Money concerns, Bill's perpetual issue, were off the table as far as Theresa was concerned. She had won us over that much. I suspended my fretting over April's mothering as she spent most of every day at Terry's hospital bedside. We all took turns visiting her. Terry, her mind sharp as ever, reminded us of our various projects and approaching deadlines. The feelings of helplessness were beyond description. Her pretty West Texas face, with delicately chiseled features, swelled beyond recognition as her kidneys shut down and she was slowly poisoned by her own toxins. I was planning to make a hospital run one morning when April called to tell us there was no need to come anymore. We all had to let Terry go. Clenched fists could never hold what she had given us. The only container appropriate for her spirit and passion for life is the heart. You can use the maneuvers I've described in this article, the methods, techniques, and strategies. They're all effective, depending on the personalities and circumstances you're facing. You can do your research and gather knowledge. But I've never seen a better example of a self-actualized team member than Terry.

None more dedicated, hard working, selfless, or content within herself. In my mind, she remains the shining example of how to survive and thrive working for an idiot - with a heart and a spirit bigger than pettiness and personal pride. You and I don't need to worry about which one of us is going to interview God first and send back the answers to our list of questions. Theresa answered the most important ones before she left. It's Your Move How are you going to approach the rest of your day today? Will you start right now to take back the control over aspects of your professional life that you've abdicated to others? I'm not talking about trying to control the universe and everything that happens to you. Those things are generally beyond your control and trying to wrestle God's will to the ground is a losing proposition. However, He gave us all free will to do with our lives what we will. Stop and consider how much of your free will you've given up. Free will is power - power no one can take away from you. Your personal and professional lives are intertwined and your power to make decisions is enough to change the course of both. You might consider all that I've shared with you about managing your boss and decide it's not worth it. If you decide to make a bold move, I hope it's an informed and not an impulsive decision. If you decide to transition from resentful, angry subordinate to serene and appreciative team member, I hope you understand how difficult it might be. I, for one, still struggle against a return to the cynical days of endless criticism and complaining. Back then I thought I was making myself feel better. The fact was, I didn't know any better. Now I do, and so do you. Being cynical and being realistic can appear similar in some aspects. However, being cynical engenders negativity. Being realistic is a foundation for making positive progress. Your cynical self might say, "I'm not happy about this and I don't see it getting any better." Your realistic self will observe the same thing and say, "I'm not happy about this and the circumstances might not change anytime soon. It's time to reposition myself physically, mentally, or both to make the best of it."

Growing New Rings

The longer a tree lives, the more rings it grows. As trees cycle through the seasons, growth slows, is stunted, even stops for all intents and purposes. New rings are formed as the growth begins anew. Although more sporadic and erratic, human life goes through similar start/stop and speed up/slow down cycles. We can't undo bad decisions we've made in our lives any more than trees can go back and reform existing rings. Each of us grows new rings, whether we like it or not. But we have it all over trees in that we can influence the new rings we grow. We can change almost every characteristic of our new rings. What will the new rings look like? Will they be rings we can be proud of or rings we want to forget? When you get out of bed tomorrow, do you want to remember today as a waste or a step in the right direction? The step in the right direction might mean turning back toward your Idiot Boss rather than running away and hiding from him. It might mean allowing, even encouraging, your better angels to talk to a person your demons would rather strangle. If you're like me, running away from people I don't like is easy. I take long, effortless strides. Approaching someone I have reservations about requires short, deliberate, and calculated steps. Surviving and thriving an Idiot Boss is like climbing a mountain. You can't do it by proxy. Your success is contingent on the amount of effort you invest.

Some days you will do well to hold position, like when the tree is dormant. Some days you'll climb 1,200 feet. Some days you'll only climb 12 feet. Regardless, every day will be a climb. You can make a game out of managing your I-Boss, as many of my methods and techniques suggest. You can also turn it into a serious, strategic, challenging chess match. Either way, you need to play for keeps. Don't expect a lukewarm effort to produce satisfactory or long-term results. But expect that your passion will return to room temperature overnight. That's reality. Each morning you must decide all over again if you're going to continue up the mountain. If you decide to continue your ascent, you'll need to poke at the embers of yesterday's passion and restoke the fire in your belly. Looking at your I-Boss as a human being, with all of the typical human shortcomings and then some, is something you might only be able to handle one day, one hour, or one minute at a time. Whatever your tolerance level, never forget that you can reboot as often as necessary. Each time you reach out to climb another foot up the mountain, remember that you're doing it first for you; second, for those you care about and who care about you; and finally, for unnamed beneficiaries you might never meet.