If every person with no good reason to hold a beach ball under water would just let it go, beach balls would pop up all over the place. The office would look like the ball pit at a McDonald's playground. You can get rid of your beach ball by deflating it and throwing it away. No one needs to know except you. Just because you're blending in doesn't mean you have lost sight of your goals. Denial is one of the most powerful defense mechanisms known to the human race because it cloaks us from facing reality. People avoid goal-setting for similar reasons. Setting goals makes a demand on performance. If you want to avoid the pressure to perform, don't set goals. If the challenge of problem-solving frightens you, deny there are any problems. However, goal-setting can be a private matter and you can adopt healthy ways to keep yourself accountable without becoming excessively punitive. Start by refocusing energy away from contempt for your Idiot Boss to personal growth and satisfaction. We can all make our own lives easier by purging as much resentment and pent up hostility as possible toward our Idiot Bosses and replacing them with healthy alternatives. It sounds Pollyanna-ish, but it's true. Just because you are no longer in denial about your feelings doesn't mean you can't find more productive ways to relate to your I-Boss. It's never too soon to get started, and even small attempts to tune in the I-Boss frequency can pay off. Start by facing some facts:

■ Your I-Boss has more power in the office than you.

■ You have more power outside the office than your IBoss.

■ Assuming you work 60 hours per week and sleep eight hours per night, you still have a net gain of two hours per week in non-work waking time. Feel the power.

■ You like the paycheck although it could be better.

■ You like your I-Boss, don't like your I-Boss, or could care less.

■ The I-Boss can't control your thoughts or emotions. How you think and feel is up to you.

■ You have the choice to stay or leave and how to set up the emotional scenario to make staying as appealing as possible.

Your Great Disguise Wardrobe

Some of the following wacky ideas have worked well for people. Try dressing outside of fashion guidelines. I-Bosses are clueless creatures. This is often reflected in wardrobe choices made by male idiots. There are occasions when female I-Bosses dress in shocking and inappropriate ways, but it's rare. You can always tell when an I-Boss has been to the mall. Male I-Bosses can show up for work in a coordinated wardrobe the day after they go shopping and sales clerks have selected their clothes. But give them a few days to get the matched clothing intermingled with the rest of their wardrobe and color coordination is a thing of the past. Your window of opportunity to compliment the I-Boss on a coordinated outfit is narrow. Don't be afraid to dress like an idiot. Unless the male I-Boss has a wife or girlfriend who asks the rhetorical question, "You're not going to wear that tie with that shirt, are you?" he will. Bizarre ties usually amuse I-Bosses and show the rest of the world you're a pillar of self-confidence. Be bold. It's hard for people with taste to dress poorly. It usually requires some intense preplanning, both emotionally and in selecting your outfit. Take your cues from observing your I-Boss's wardrobe habits over time.

You should be able to catalogue everything he is willing to wear in a week or two. Then try to mirror his wardrobe choices as closely as possible. He probably won't realize what you're doing, but he'll feel strangely more comfortable around you. Dressing in a manner reflecting your I-Boss's horrific fashion sense will make him far more receptive to your ideas and suggestions. If a male I-Boss wears a blue sock on his left foot and a black sock on his right foot, and spots a male team member with a black sock on his left foot and a blue sock on his right foot, the I-Boss will probably compliment the team member on how sharp he looks. If your I-Boss wears a plastic pocket protector in the breast pocket of his shortsleeved oxford shirt, guess what you should be wearing. If you can't bring yourself to do it, at least compliment him on his stylish and sensible pocket protector. The condition of your shoes is also affects your I-Boss's comfort level. If he wears old beaters, keep an old pair in your file drawer. I'm talking about males here. Females should not attempt to imitate bad wardrobe choices in male I-Bosses. In that rare case where a female I-Boss dresses strangely, female team members must walk a fine line between demonstrating a similar attitude about fashion and actually mimicking what the female I-Boss wears. Female coworkers with male I-Bosses should dress as professionally as possible.

The male I-Boss might not have a clue how he looks in the big picture, but he's seen enough IBM commercials to know what the vertically mobile woman should look like. That is a potentially sexist thing to say, but sexism might be the least of your problems with an I-Boss. Okay, I admit I'm exaggerating for effect. But who needs to feel comfortable here? If you want to be a fashion plate to enhance your dating life or simply stroke your own ego, that's your choice. But, if you're making your Idiot Boss look like a bigger idiot in comparison, calculate your net gain or loss. All of this is important only if you want your I-Boss to be more comfortable around you. Not every bad dresser is an I-Boss and not every I-Boss is a bad dresser. Some extremely intelligent and gifted people dress like clowns while some clueless idiots dress like George Cooney. Machiavellian Bosses, many Sadistic Bosses, and God Bosses are typically good dressers. In fact, the meaner or more insane the boss, the more likely he or she will resemble a mannequin. Some Good Bosses, most Buddy Bosses, Paranoid Bosses, Masochistic Bosses, and of course I-Bosses, are notoriously bad dressers. Intentionally dressing down around a Good Boss won't be necessary.

A Good Boss sees the person, not the clothes, and will appreciate your appearance even if her own is less than ideal. Good bosses don't usually wear mismatched clothes as much as their clothes are out of date. Good bosses don't feel any urgency to dress for success. To them, success is an inside job. Buddy Bosses might prefer you to dress well so they can have a cool friend. Paranoid Bosses will think your sloppy wardrobe is a critical statement about them and an indictment of their taste. It's tough to win with a Paranoid Boss. A Masochistic boss will turn anything you do into a source of pain and anguish, if he even notices what you're wearing. You could show up buck naked at the office and a Masochistic Boss will probably be too busy slamming a desk drawer on his knuckles to notice. If your I-Boss's boss is a fashion hound, you have a potential problem. Try to determine how your I-Boss is affected by his boss's wardrobe habits. You'll need to calculate if you'll make your boss more comfortable by imitating him or his boss. You will want to impress your boss's boss and it never hurts to compliment those higher on the food chain as long as you remain aware of how your wardrobe choices and grooming will affect your most immediate relationships. It can be a tough call. Hair and humor Wardrobe is not the only fashion issue with an I-Boss. Many I-Bosses missed the memo from HR informing the staff that crew cuts went out of style in the Nixon administration. You might want to consider cutting your hair with a weed eater. Interestingly, many people pay a lot of money these days to make their hair look like it was cut with a weed eater. You can make I-Bosses feel more comfortable around you by telling insipid jokes and stories about the time your dog barfed on the neighbor's morning newspaper. I chose this subject because many of the I-Bosses I've known are particular to barf jokes. Make sure to start laughing about three-fourths of the way through your joke or story. I-Bosses always laugh at their own jokes. Although longitudinal research on the subject is minimal, I-Bosses don't seem concerned if anyone else finds their jokes or stories funny. It appears they assume everyone will. The most plausible explanation for why I-Bosses laugh at their own material is because they are telling the joke or story primarily for their own amusement.

This is consistent with my previously stated theory that I-Bosses are usually bored. You can also resonate with your I-Boss's mood by always appearing to be in good spirits. I-Bosses are rarely tuned into the emotions of other people. Although they are capable of a wide range of emotions themselves, they don't pick up on emotional indicators from others, such as weeping, screaming, throwing furniture, and other demonstrative acts, probably instigated by the idiot's behavior. Flag waving and drum beating The more bizarre and incredibly stupid a superior's idea might be, the more over the top your support should be. When your I-Boss suggests the solution to your firm's filing for bankruptcy is to have all of the fire extinguishers serviced, throw down your pen and say, "Brilliant. Why didn't I think of that?" That's a good line to have at the tip of your tongue anytime you're near your I-Boss. Go legit One of the first ways you'll know that God has removed your stupidity is by accepting your powerlessness over your boss's stupidity. That's when you'll be able to abandon your futile struggle to control the uncontrollable. You can then begin to change the things in yourself that have kept you on the merry-go-round of madness for so long. If swallowing your pride to advance your agenda around an I-Boss is too difficult, take the legitimate approach. Disguising yourself as one of the idiots might not be so bad, especially when you discover how much you have in common. You and your I-Boss might agree on more than you think. It will be up to you to do the research and inquiry, but the results can be positive. A little office anthropology on your part might reveal your I-Boss likes to play golf, but never has time. You might love to play golf, but don't have the time. It's up to you to take the initiative and organize the office golf outings. Several good things can happen. You might get to play golf on company time or the company's dime. You can at least be sanctioned to spend work time organizing golf activities for team members. If you have golf in common with your I-Boss, you've opened up a new language and context in which to communicate that's actually pleasant for you both. If you don't play golf and hate to talk about it, you might at least get your I-Boss out of the office for half a day per week by encouraging and facilitating his recreation.

Any activity in which you share interests can have a positive effect and hold potential for activities or conversation - love of movies, literature, photography, fine dining, greasy spoon dining, expensive wine, cheap wine, animals, hiking, motorcycles, sports of any kind, you name it. Even if your initiative to organize avocational interests around the office doesn't include anything specifically appealing to your I-Boss, the fact that you're contributing to a relaxed and pleasant working environment will probably give you an upbeat image in his eyes. Idiot Bosses, unlike their Machiavellian, Sadistic, Masochistic, and Paranoid counterparts, like it when everyone seems to get along and enjoy each other. Being a part of making that happen is not fake or phony, even if it started that way for you. Helping to bring out the true interests and passions of your I-Boss and fellow team members, then exerting some leadership to establish avenues to share the joy, will pay dividends for everyone, most importantly, you. Putting on the great disguise might seem like a cheesy, manipulative ploy in the beginning. But it can be a way to test the waters and see if you really wouldn't be happier and more content at work using some imagination to expand your horizons. Using your energies to organize activities offensive or displeasing to your I-Boss will be counterproductive. The whole point of the great disguise is to set your feet on a path to workplace resonance, even if the direction is not one your instincts initially tell you to follow. Break out. Push back your boundaries. Be crazy. Put on the disguise and make your workplace more you-friendly. What do you have to lose except long nights of tortured slumber and teeth grinding while your I-Boss sleeps like a log? You can always return to your current state if being happier and less resentful doesn't appeal to you. What are you planning to replace your stupidity with anyway?